just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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