I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Enjoy the penises
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
