i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
