when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
