I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize