Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
