Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I said "one day" and that day is not today
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
