i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
