i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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