As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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