Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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