i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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