we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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