Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I faked an abortion last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
