I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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