oh god the rape fog is back!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
