Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
