Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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