Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bring me that man meat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
