I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
