Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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