I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
