Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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