We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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