I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
