I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize