I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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