I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
