My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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