News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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