i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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