i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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