i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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