did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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