I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
