P.S. I can't hear my feet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
