dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
