If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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