I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
