I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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