I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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