dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
