The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize