Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
