Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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