Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
