thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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