fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
