Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
