i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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