dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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