But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
