This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
