i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize