All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
