I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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