It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
