I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
home. puking in laundry basket.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize