belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
