I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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