i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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