Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
