i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
