the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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