Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just blew my weed a kiss
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
