Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
