Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
