Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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