return my video game
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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