Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
