long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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