He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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